Anxiety isn’t the problem—it’s a signal that something needs attention.

We often think of anxiety as something to get rid of, but it’s actually a message from your mind and body. There are two main types of anxiety, and understanding the difference can be an important first step.

Healthy (Adaptive) Anxiety

This is the kind of anxiety that helps you stay focused and alert when you’re facing a challenge—like an exam, a job interview, or a tough conversation. It’s your brain’s way of keeping you sharp and prepared. This kind of anxiety is normal and even helpful.

Problematic (Pathological) Anxiety

This type of anxiety goes beyond what’s helpful. It can make you feel overwhelmed, on edge, or constantly worried—even when there’s no real danger. Everyday situations can feel threatening, and you may find yourself overthinking, avoiding things, or feeling stuck in a loop of fear. This kind of anxiety can seriously affect your quality of life.

Sometimes, trying to avoid or “get rid of” these feelings only makes things worse—like digging a deeper hole when what you really need is a ladder. That’s why it’s important to understand and manage anxiety rather than fight it.

A Deeper Look: Why Anxiety Shows Up

From a psychological (psychodynamic) point of view, anxiety often comes from a conflict between what you feel or want deep down and what you think you should do based on rules, expectations, or past experiences. Your mind, like a pressure system, tries to keep everything in balance—but when emotions get blocked or pushed aside, anxiety can build up.

Some people try to cope by becoming very rigid or overly controlled—but this often backfires. The goal isn’t to suppress anxiety, but to understand what’s behind it and learn healthier ways to respond.

How Can I Get Better?

Working through anxiety involves developing a stronger sense of self and building certain emotional and mental skills:

  • Seeing situations more clearly (reality testing)
  • Having a balanced view of yourself
  • Knowing where you are in the present moment
  • Making good decisions
  • Managing urges or impulses
  • Handling frustration
  • Coping with inner conflicts and emotions in healthy ways

With these tools, you’ll be better able to balance your own needs and goals with the demands of the world around you—without letting anxiety take control.

A Practical Approach: The Cognitive-Behavioral View

From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, anxiety happens because your brain sees the world as a dangerous place. You may find yourself constantly scanning for threats or trying to prevent problems before they happen. But this constant checking and worrying can wear you down—and keep the anxiety going.

A Helpful Metaphor: The Hole and the Shovel (Hayes, 2009)

“Imagine you’ve fallen into a deep hole, and all you have is a shovel. Not knowing what else to do, you start digging—but that just makes the hole deeper. What if, instead, you paused and asked for help or found another way out?”

This is what happens when we try to escape anxiety at all costs. The more we struggle, the more stuck we feel. But if we pause, accept, and learn from our feelings, we can find a new path—often with the guidance of a therapist or specialist.

Final Thoughts

Learning to accept and understand your anxiety is the first step toward taking back control. It’s not about pretending it’s not there—it’s about not letting it run your life.

With the right support and strategies, you can begin to:

  • Let go of unhelpful coping habits
  • Feel more in control
  • Build a healthier, more peaceful relationship with yourself

You don’t have to go through this alone. A mental health professional can help you understand your anxiety, explore where it comes from, and find new ways to manage it.

Written by Dr. Eleonora Bolla & Dr. Silvia Riva